Friday, April 4, 2008

Looking forward, but looking back

We’re into April now. We are planning to move in May. So we are down to one month left before we actually make the long-awaited move.

So why am I consumed with mixed feelings? I WANT to move to New Mexico, I have dreamed of it for years now, and it is finally really going to happen.

But what I am feeling these days is a mixture of joy and excitement …. with some bittersweet thoughts and memories intruding.

We have lived here in Kansas for almost 29 years. 29 years! That is such a huge portion of my life. This is the longest I have lived anywhere. I know every inch of this house and yard, every part of this neighborhood, I know where all the good stores and restaurants are. All my doctors and dentist and the vet and most of my friends are here. My son and daughter in law live here. This is the house where my little kids grew up, where we lived through all the wonderful times and the difficult times and the sad times. Christmases and birthdays and Easters and proms and graduations and visitors.

My daughter is having a very hard time with the fact that she can never come home again, she can never show my grand-daughter the house where our family lived for so many years. I understand her feeling about it. I am feeling some of that, too, these days.

I am thinking it is normal…. a part of this process…..but one I forgot to expect in all the plans for this move.


Buck said...

I am thinking it is normal…. a part of this process…

I'm thinking you're right, Sharon. The longest I ever lived in any one place was not-quite-ten-years in Detroit, eight in the same house. And my heart strings were severely yanked when I pulled away from the curb of that house for the last time.

Bittersweet, to be sure.

Towanda said...

Exactly, Buck. It seems like right now it is already beginning to be the "last time" for certain things here. My daughter IS going to get to come up here the weekend before we move, so she can have closure with the house, and she can show my four-year-old grand-daughter the house where our family lived for 28 years. Do you still miss the house in Detroit? (I never knew you lived there. We spent a year in Saline, MI in 1979, near Ann Arbor, and made many trips to Detroit. I spent a semester in Ypsilanti at Eastern Michigan University.)